Inside my mind
by Growing Pain
Summary: [Jou x Seto] Jou has a voice in his head that is slowly taking control over him. And with a crush on Kaiba things doesn't get better. [Minor AU]


**Disclaimer:** I don't own, you don't sue.  
**Warning:** AU, Yaoi, murder(or suicide) attempt (depends on how you see it), OOC-Jou with weird voice in his head, swear words, bossy Seto...  
**Note before reading:** The "voice" is not a Yami of Jounouchi. He simply has a voice in his head that is the dark and suppressed side of him where his hate is. In result of ignoring his darkness, his mind find a way to express it. It may be thought of as evil, but it is still a part Jounouchi and not some outer supernatural force. He has had the voice for a while but his friends don't know about it.

"This is when people are talking with eachother"  
'This is Jounouchis thoughts'  
_"This is when Jou and the voice speak to eachother"_

Let's get to the story now!

* * *

**Inside my mind**

_**by Growing Pain**_

* * *

"Give that back!" 

"Can't. It's already eaten up"

"But that was my favourite part Jou!"

"It's gone, get over it!"

It was a seemingly normal day in springtime when Jounouchi and his group of friends had started to eat in the school cafeteria. As usual there always occurred a little food snatching between Honda and Jounouchi…

"Honda give it back!"

"No! You took my food, so now I'll take yours!"

"But that's all I've got left!"

"You should have thought of that before stealing my food!"

A threatening growl was heard from Jou before he launched his attack and threw himself onto Honda to take back his food, which was in the others ones hand.

While this argument took place Anzu and Yuugi were sitting with them, watching them argue.

"Guys! Calm down! I have plenty of food, I can share with you"

Once again, Anzu saved the day as the two males relaxed and started to eat in peace, every now and then exchanging glares.

But it's about there the normality ends.

"You're worthless…"

"You…I thought I had gotten rid of you!"

"You can't. I am you."

"Leave"

"…"

"…"

"They hate you. Despise you."

"That's not true!"

"You know it is. Why else would I say such things? After all, I am you. I can't make up things. You created me. All I say is what you can't dare to think"

"I did not create you! Leave me alone!"  
"Why? Because you think you are going insane? Guess what Katsuya…you already are."

"…"

"…"

"Stop laughing at me!"

"But you're so pathetic. It's hard not to"

'Why did it have to return to me? I don't want it. Everything was fine, but it just have to ruin everything.'

'I hate it'

'I hate what it says'

'Because I know it's all true'

'I hate when it takes over'

'Then I can't move a muscle'

'I haven't heard from it in weeks, thinking it was over. But it always comes back. Always…'

"Not even that crush of yours thinks that high of you"

"Shut up"

"Look at your friends. You don't belong here."

"Shut up!"

As the conversation took place inside his head, Jou was having a blank face staring at nothing in particular. The food had been forgotten, leaving him completely absorbed to the voice.

_"Honda doesn't think you can do anything yourself. Shows how much he trusts you, doesn't it?"_

_"Shut. Up."_

_"Such a limited vocabulary. Tsk tsk tsk… And Anzu…we all know she's only being nice to you because you're Yuugis' friend"_

_"That's not true! And you know it!"_

_"It's not me making up these things Katsuya. It's you…"_

_"…"_

_"Thought so…And how about that Yuugi guy. He even thinks of Kaiba as a friend. He is clearly insane or just plain stupid"_

_"Stop putting him down! That's my friend you're talking about"_

_"Not even Kaiba likes you…How on earth did you fall in love with him anyway?"_

_"…"_

_"Fag"_

_"Shut up!"_

"Jou…?"

"They all hate you…"

"Shut up!"

"Jou?"

"Even your father hates you…and he has known you the longest. That should prove something"

"Shut up!"

"Don't you think so?"

"SHUT UP!"

"S-sorry Jou…I was just trying to see if you were okay…"

In front of Jou was Yuugi with a hurt expression, trying not to look affected.

'Oh shit what did I do?'

"What did you do that for!"

Honda gave him a slap in the back of his head, obviously angered by his unprovoked rage towards Yuugi.

"I am sorry Yuugi, I was just having a headache and I didn't mean it"

"It's okay"

His cheerful expression had returned, letting go of the hurt like nothing had happened.

'Weird…' Jou blinked a little in confusion at his short friend, bewildered by the sudden mood change before returning to his food.

XxxX

"I don't want to have one more class!" The blond complained to no one in particular

"It's the last class, and it's not so bad. It's only History" The female brunette consoled, yet it didn't make things better

"I hate History!" As he reluctantly seated himself in his chair he muttered incoherent words and started to sulk and pity himself.

Luckily for him, Kaiba was sitting a few seats in front of him, which gave him the perfect opportunity to use the ancient method of staring.

And stare he did. Long and hard. And for some reason the teacher didn't see it or just simply couldn't care less.

Maybe History class wasn't so bad?

"Are you going to drool anytime soon too?"

'Damn'

His face fell the second he heard the all to familiar voice, and he desperately tried to ignore it, shutting his eyes and breathing slowly and controlled.

"You can't escape me…"

'Breathe in…breathe out…breathe in…breathe out'

"You're too weak to fight. You have never been strong."

'Breathe in…breathe out…don't believe him, it's not true. Stay focused'

"Such a pathetic sight. Look at you. Nobody will ever love you. Ever"

And he cracked.

He couldn't fight it anymore, reluctantly falling in a trance where it was only the two of them in the middle of nothing.

_"Told you that you were too weak"_

_"…"_

_"Cat got your tongue? Is this how you greet your childhood friend?"_

_"Please…just…leave me alone"_

_"Me? Leaving you? You must be out of your puny mind"_

_"Let me go"_

_"You are worth nothing"_

_"Please"_

_"You have to die"_

_"W-what?"_

_"Nothing. Perhaps time will tell."_

_"What is your problem!"_

_"You"_

_"Let me go!"_

_"As you wish…for now at least. But I am not done with you."_

When Jou woke up he was resting his head on his desk and found numerous people staring at him. His friends were doing subtle gestures, pointing at the teacher.

"Ah, you have woken up! Wonderful. Perhaps you would like to give the whole class a resume of chapter 5, which was the homework for today?"

A gulp was made from the blond as he nervously tried to remember anything of it.

"Um…there was this man. With boats…?"

When he saw the teacher nodding slightly he knew he was at least on the right track, and continued.

"And they crossed the ocean. And…um…got to the wrong place."

"Where did they go?" The teacher was serious and cold, and slightly annoyed with Jous slow pace.

"To…America?"

"Correct." Thinking that Jou was too vague to continue asking more questions, the teacher turned her head to the class and started to speak to them instead. "Now if you all turn to page 78 and start reading to page 85, there will be no homework."

Jou made a relieved sigh as he slumped down in his chair, grateful for having read chapter 5 the previous day. But it was hard trying to read the given pages in the classroom without staring at Kaiba. And eventually he had forgotten all about the book.

_"Wipe that goofy grin off your face"_

_"You again? Leave me alone! I have things to do!"_

_"Your erotic fantasies can wait"_

_"Oh shut up!"_

_"Technically I am not really speaking. That would require a mouth. So I can't shut up"_

_"I hate you"_

_"I am impressed. Those words haven't been used so far. Good boy!"_

_"I will get rid of you one way or another!"_

_"Not before I get rid of you"_

_"You can't"_

_"Yes. Very much so"_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"It's amazing how stupid you are"_

_"Stop putting me down! Answer the question!"_

_"I. Am. You."_

_"Yes, so you have told me. A little repetitive today, aren't we?"_

_"Therefore, I control you"_

_"How?"_

_"Haven't you noticed the trance you always get in when you talk to me? You black-out from everything."_

_"Yes…?"_

_"The only thing keeping you from falling to the floor at those times are me."_

_"What?"_

_"…"_

_"…"_

_"You're so stupid…!"_

_"Come on! Get to the point!"_

_"…"_

_"Hello?"_

_"…"_

_"Tell me!"_

_"…"_

_"_Jou, class is over"

"Huh? What? Where?" With a high speed he shot up from his chair due to his surprise, letting him come eye to eye to his friend. He also noticed they were the only ones left in the room.

"Yuugi?"

A soft chuckle was heard from the shorter boy at Jous disoriented questions.

"We are going to the game shop. Want to come?"

"Yeah sure just let me -"

"He probably doesn't want you to come"

"Um. No not today Yuugi. When I think about it, I have lots of homework to do. I think I am…um…going to stay here to work a little."

"Are you sure?" There was obvious concern in his voice, Jou was simply acting too weird today.

"Yeah man, you never stay after school to work"

"Let them go. Or else they just have to watch you 'sleep'…"

He could feel himself slip out of reality, which meant he had to get rid of them pretty quickly.

"I know Honda, but I am feeling really behind. See you all tomorrow!"

The three teenagers said "bye" all at once and exited the room, chatting as usual.

"Good choice. Can't let your friends watch you get into trance. That would mean you would have to tell them"

"You got your way, now what do you want!"

Jou had once again been slumped down in his chair, a blank stare looking completely lifeless. Not that he knew that, he was not in reality anymore.

"Your time has come…"

"What the fuck are you talking about!"

"…to die"

"You…you can't do that!"

"Of course I can"

"No…no…Then you will die too, smartass!"

"I was never alive to begin with"

Suddenly everything started to change. He could see what was going on once again, that he was in his classroom. But one thing was completely off.

'I…I can't move…'

Despite all his tries to even move a finger he found himself unable to, as if he wasn't in his own body anymore. And when he finally started to move and got up from his chair it was without him controlling it.

"Do you understand now?"

"You…are you doing this to me?"

"That stupid question does not deserve an answer as it is obvious."

"…What are you going to do to me?"

"What no one else has succeeded in doing…"

"…"

"…"

"To kill you, stupid!"

"What! No! I want to live!"

"Stop your whining. Take it like a man!"

His body made slow footsteps towards one of the windows, and despite all Jous tries he couldn't get it to stop.

_"Such a lovely day outside, isn't it? How about we open the window to get some fresh air?"_

_"STOP IT!"_

Steadily the window was open, making it even more obvious how high up they were.

"Picture the concrete as water. Perhaps you won't be so scared then"

"Let me go. Please…I beg you"

The attempt to make the voice stop wasn't working. And soon he found his body standing on the windowsill, holding onto the wall.

_"Please!"_

_"You are so disgracing. You truly deserve to die"_

_"I want to live!"_

_"No you don't."_

_"Yes I do!"_

_"I am you. And I don't want you to live"_

_"I don't give a shit about your 'I am you' crap! Let me go!"_

_"Do you really think I will?"_

_"…"_

_"Thought so. Then why are you still fighting?"_

_"Hope…"_

_"You make me sick…How about we stretch our arms a little?"_

His body, already with bad balance on the window edge , let go of the wall and stood with both arms in the air.

"Ah, we are swaying. Imagine what would happen if the wind gave us a little push?"

Jou had lost his will to try and fight back, and remained quiet. His heart was beating faster than ever before and all he could think about was how much he would miss everyone. His sister, friends, crush and even his father.

_"Perhaps they are better off without me…"_

_"That's the spirit Katsuya!"_

His body leaned forward over the edge, but not enough to fall.

"Lets give this a countdown, shall we? More dramatic that way"

"…"

"1…"

"I am sorry Shizuka…"

"2…"

"Take care dad…"

"3…"

"I love you Seto…"

And he reluctantly let go, feeling a heavy force being brought on his waist as he fell backwards hitting…

The floor?

'Huh?'

"What on earth were you doing mutt! How stupid can you be! Don't you know it's dangerous to -"

All the words just blurred together as Jou was in too much of a shock to listen, and just stared at what was in front of him: Kaiba, yelling at him as he half-sat on the floor. The voice inside was gone, probably lost control from the sudden surprise.

'He saved me…'

Tears were forming in his eyes. Less than a minute ago he would have been dead. It was just like one of those 'meant to be' sappy fairytale stories.

And he let his emotions control him before his sense of logic could kick in, and rushed towards Kaiba and hugged him. There were no plans of separating from his chest as he found him very huggable, which was a slight surprise.

Meanwhile, Seto was caught off guard from being cut off from his yelling about 'security and idiots' by receiving a hug. This act resulted in a very stiff Kaiba, that seemed to have a hard time moving.

Surprisingly the blond wasn't pushed away.

"Thank you" Jou spoke softly, his face still pressed against the other ones chest. And for what seemed like eternity Seto grabbed his shoulders and pushed the blond away, making them have eye contact.

"What the hell were you doing!" His voice was stern and hard, looking with cold eyes into the shorter teenagers eyes.

"I..I…Just wanted to see the view, you know. But then…I…lost control…" Kaiba only snorted at this.

"You honestly believe I am that stupid to fall for that obvious lie?" Jou averted his gaze and fixated his eyes on a nearby chair, as it had become very interesting at the given moment.

"Look at me when I am talking to you!" The shorter boy did what he was told and slowly turned his eyes to face the other, still having watered eyes.

If even just a little, Setos facial expression softened. "Why did you do it?"

"I honestly didn't mean to Kaiba! Honest! You can't tell anyone. Please don't!"

The CEO was quiet for moment, before answering in his usual emotionless voice. "Fine. But on one condition."

Knowing Kaiba, Jou dreaded the worst. "W-what condition?"

"You will see a psychiatrist. Obviously, you have problems. Tomorrow after school I will take you there. You will go there until the psychiatrist believes you are fine."

"I don't need any help Kaiba, I am perfectly fine on my -"

"Quiet! You do what I say. I have no desire to let you go and kill yourself and let you blame me in a suicide letter"

"I wouldn't do that"

"That does not matter. Tomorrow, mutt! Don't forget, or your friends will know."

And with that he let go of Jounouchis shoulders, took his briefcase and left the building, leaving a smiling boy behind.

'He let me hug him…'

Perhaps he was a stupid fool as Kaiba so often told him, but this fool was happy. He gladly took his backpack and left school, shining with that smile of his, forgetting about the voice and simply remembered Kaiba and his chest.

* * *

**_The End I suppose..._**

Mwoahhaha, I almost killed Jounouchi! Keyword being almost. -shrug- Anyway, to you people it may seem that the story had a happy ending, but when you really think about it the voice is still there inside his head, somewhere... Nothing has been solved! I just love to ruin happy endings.

So what did you think of this? Flame me if you want, I don't really mind. **Review** it people! Come on, the purple button is feeling lonely. Give it a push and it will smile and make your wishes come true (maybe not...but you can't prove me wrong!)

Oh, and if you are a reader of my other Jou x Seto story **Unheard Love**, I am having a big idea-drain in that department, meaning I don't know what on earth to write in the next chapter. But hold on! I shall not give up on it!

Back to this story: **Review**! Or Jous soul will forever be haunted -evil laugh- Just kidding!


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